Every day

As most of you dont know, Im a sap...big time. Im that girl who cries when people get married, or a hockey team wins the olympics. I day dream when I hear a song that talks about a man loving a woman or a song talking about a best friend. I am a country music fan inside and out. I have been since 8th grade and I don't think it will stop any time. There is a song sung by Rascal Flatts that is called, Every Day. I am sure whoever the lead singer is was talking about a woman, but when I hear it I think of my best friend. The beginning of the songs starts off by singing is,

" You could've bowed out gracefully, but you didn't. You knew enough to know to leave well enough alone, but you wouldn't. I drive myself crazy tryin' to stay out of my own way. The messes that I make, but my secrets are so safe. The only one who gets me, Yeah, you get me. It's amazing to me"

She is someone who I ALWAYS there for me...even when she knows I have not made the best decision, she is there. No judgement, just there. She has stuck around when anyone else would have left. And when I want to be left alone she sits and waits and brings me out of my dark hole, and for that I am thankful. She can see me and know what to say.... As I started thinking more about all of this I started thinking about all the conversations my dad has had with me recently. I never thought, 8 years ago, that my dad and I could sit in the same room, and not get mad at each other, but now we have been blessed. My dad is one of the wisest men I know. Over the last two years my dad has changed. He is more merciful now that he ever has been. He can listen and give advice (that you might not want to hear) but does it in a loving way. A way that makes you want to listen...for hours maybe. Anyways...he has been telling me a lot about what he has been learning and what it boils down to is God is revealing more and more of himself each day. He is a God who came to earth to live a life that none of us could to die a death that we all should die and now is a risen king. All of that is kind of a hug concept to grasp.

But to bring it back to the song..He could have bowed out gracefully. He could have said, "Sorry dad, I dont want to die this way. there has to be a better way." But no, he went a was beaten beyond recognition and nailed to a cross. He was lain in a tomb for 3 days and on the 3rd was risen form the dead. That just doesnt happen. No one just raises from the dead, but he did with the power of the holy spirit. He gave us each that same holy spirit to live in us when we accept him. The power that raised him from the dead, has the power to eternally change lives. He didn't leave us alone when we tell him to just "get out!" He knows we drive ourselves crazy trying to stay out of our own way but he doesn't care. He is ok with that mess...He says to us, "bring me your mess..give it to me ' for my yoke is easy and my burden is light(matt 11:30)'" SO many times I try and carry it all by myself..oh wait..still doing it. But it is so much harder this way. It is easy to carry a burden with someone else...better to live life on life with someone else. we were made for companionship.

I think I am writing this more to assure myself that this true cause this last semester I have felt like a mess. There have been glimpses of hope but I just want to get out of my own way and just get out. I want to break free. I am tired of trying and hurting and falling and breaking. I know that all of this is a process and life is a painful process so many times but it is through the hard times that we grow the most. Tomorrow is christmas..shoot that makes tonight christmas eve. christmas is not about the stuff we get. It is a time for us to remember that the most important person to ever be born was born on christmas. And I think we need to remember that. I need to remember that.

Merry christmas to you all.

That's her...

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

I think when girls read the quote, we all sigh and the longing in our hearts becomes even greater. Every girl wants this. Every girl wants to be adored and see as "the only one for him. I think after we girls read this quote, we wait a few minutes day dreaming, and then most come crashing back down into reality..." that can never happen to me. That only happens in fairytales or to that girl, but not to me." We have a pity party thinking there is no one like that for us...and then we settle. GIRLs! DONT settle for anything less that this. You are beautiful on the inside and out and for you to settle for mediocre is shorting yourself on something you deserve.

Ya ya i know you have heard that speech a million times. And you are still telling yourself that there is no guy out there like that for you. Well first, stop thinking you aren't worth it! Because you are. If you start treating yourself like you are worth it ( not in a selfish arrogant way) it will rub off and people will start to see you that way. Hold your guy to a higher standard. If you want to be pursued (like we all do) dont call him all the time. If he wants to hang out with you he should have to call you. Im not saying play hard to catch in the annoying way, but dont be that girl who is always calling and txting. Its lame! (I've been there, done that, still do that).

Girls, know that you are a gem. No one determines your self worth but the Lord and you chose if you see yourself the way he does. I am in the process of waiting. As we all wait together, do not lose hope. The lord knows the desires of your heart and he will give them to you in his timing (if they are of him). Dont lose hope. Im in this with you and I know how frustrating it can be...to feel like you are the only one left, or all of your friends are getting married or have boyfriends who love them. I know it is hard to watch. I'm there. And on the days I'm discouraged with my own relationships I have to choose to believe that my worth is found in christ and no one can take that away from me. Hang in there champs.

falling and learning to trust

DO you ever just have those days? Like everything possible that is good happens, yet at the end of the day you just lose it? Life on the outside looks great, but really its not and you want it to really be good again...the hole in your heart is not filled. You know that ultimately the only one who can fill it is God, but in that moment you just want someone to be there; hug you, hold you, let you scream, kick, and cry and not tell you for the millionth time that its all gunna be ok because you know in the end you are gunna be ok, but in the moment you just wanna tell em to shut it? is it really gunna be ok? Are you gunna make it thru the night? yes. yes and yes. Would it just make life better if you could see where you are going and not have to trust that it was gunna be ok? YES! maybe. Trust...its kinda a big concept if you think about it. When you trust someone you are putting faith in them that they know what is best and they are going to help you through it. They are going to keep you safe. God is gunna teach you, lead you, love you, push you, test you....

New year, New start

School starts monday...this summer flew by. It was more of a growing summer that I could have ever imagined it to be. Kamp taught me about...forgiveness, grace, mercy, second chances, how we all have junk to deal with and each deal with it differently. It also taught me more how to love the unloveable. That is a hard lesson for me to learn especially when it hits close to home. Now summer is ending and I have a year and a half left of school..and still have no idea what I am going to do when I graduate. I learned this summer what my passions are... and that is encouraging. I have been praying for the Lord to reveal what I am mos passionate about and this summer he showed me. So cool how he works. Now I have to figure out how it correlates to my major and my life outside of school. That I have no clue. New school years are always kinda unnerving for me...new classes, new friends, new everything. I dont want to waste the time i have left at school. I want to make a difference there. I want to leave my mark on this place. Durango is home for me...well my second home. I love the place...everything about it (except maybe that is it a stinkin small town). I am learning to give my loved ones to the Lord because only through him comes redemption. Still a huge lesson to learn...so not there yet. I try and help him out but he does not need my help. He came and suffered the most painful death so that he could save the world. Life is a process. I cant wait for this school year to start. I pray that the Lord continues to reveal his plans for me and my life.

Letting Go Of The Life I Planned For Me

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone



Been doin some more thinking lately. In 18 days I turn 22. OLD! WOW! Never thought I'd actually make it this far. Looking back I had many plans for my life that I was convinced would come true at the age of 22. You can ask all my friends I grew up with. I was convinced I'd be married at 22 because my mom and dad were, so of course I wanted to be. I thought I would be done with school... i still have about a year and a half left. There are many more, but those were the main one. This song above really describes where I am right now. Letting of the life Ive planned for me and my dreams. I have to give them up to God, knowing that His plan for me is so much better than my plan.

If I had my own way, I would not be at Fort Lewis, I would not be in school, and I would be married. But God wanted it another way. I am at Fort lewis, where I have met some of the most amazing people and have grow more in my walk than ever. I am still in school, which means I have my eligibility to play lacrosse, on a team that needs me. And I am not married, which means that He is still out there, but that I get to become more of my own person...which is an exciting thought.


NOt a long post...just some things that have been on my mind.

Ministry

Ministry- the unofficial, untabulated, little loving-kindnesses of life.
What does this mean for us? I’m still trying to figure out what this means exactly. We are called to go and witness to the world. The Young’s concordance gave this definition of ministry. Seems to me that this is NOT beating people over the head telling then that if they were to die tomorrow and are not a Christian, they are going to hell. This seems much more like being a servant to those who need it. WE need to engage people’s heart, but doing it by threatening them with hell is not the way Christ did it. He sat with those who were crying, hurting, stealing, abusing etc. He knew how to get to the core of the matter…whatever they were dealing with. He knew how to draw them out to talk about it. He knew… I want to know. I want to be more like him in every way. I want to be able to sit and listen to those who no one else will listen to. I want to know how to engage their hearts to meet them right where they are in their struggle, because EVERYONE is struggling. I want to know how to get to the core of the matter, draw it out into the light and help them destroy it. As much as I want to do that for someone else…I want someone to do it with me/for me. Everyone needs someone or a group of someones.

How do we accomplish this ministry thing? My biggest, or one of my biggest problems is not the loving and listening (even though I struggle every day..im more gifted with this) mine is the engaging the heart and asking the hard questions..why? Cause I don’t want to ‘ruin’ the friendship. I don’t want them to look at me weird. I don’t want them to reject me. WHY am I afraid??? I shouldn’t be. I have the answers for life! I have the best secret…it should not be the best kept secret…it should be the worst kept secret that JESUS CHRIST DIED for YOU and can/will/wants to give YOU eternal life! He loves you forever and always. Why am are/are we afraid to share this? I want to get over this fear of I don’t know how to label it, but it has to end…today, Right NOW! Jesus tells us that this journey will be hard but that he is always with us…and will never leave. He is there to help us always.

He is there to satisfy. There is a song called hungry.

Hungry I come to you for I know you satisfy, I am empty but I know your love will not run dry. So I wait for you. So I wait for you. IM falling on my knees, offering al of me, jesus you’re all this heart is loving for. Broken I run to you for your arms are open wide, I am weary but I know your touch restores my life, so I wait for you.

If we come to him hungry he is here to fulfill us.

We have been given a gift that was not meant to be kept to ourselves. It was given in order that those who have it pass it on to the next person. He gave us the gift of grace. Eph. 2:8-9 says, “For GRACE you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast.” WE have a free gift…no NEED TO hide it any longer.

I have such a long way to go, but I wanted to write to encourage all of you out there who want the same thing. WE can make a difference on the college campus we are on or the work place or wherever you are.

Crying Out for Love

This is a continuing theme this semester...Loving those who need love... Why are we not doing it? Why are we only staying in our own niche? WE HAVE to go where it is "unsafe" and where we feel "out of our comfort zones. We can't play it safe anymore...it is time as christians to make a stand...here on campus...where ever you are... take the "leap" of faith..christ will catch you if you fall. Take this step with me...im scared, scared of losing friends, of what people might think, if i have the answers they need and not afraid to admit it. But i also know that with christ, nothing else matters. It doesn't matter what people think about me, what they tell other people about me...anything. He is the only one who matter. We have to do this. If we were all to die tomorrow, how many of your friends would be goin with you? and if it is not all of them, then we still have work to do! So let's ban together and do this. Let's start something so incredible on this campus people dont know what happened and they start to ask and wonder what we have that sets us apart.
Come on this journey with me.