Letting Go Of The Life I Planned For Me

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone



Been doin some more thinking lately. In 18 days I turn 22. OLD! WOW! Never thought I'd actually make it this far. Looking back I had many plans for my life that I was convinced would come true at the age of 22. You can ask all my friends I grew up with. I was convinced I'd be married at 22 because my mom and dad were, so of course I wanted to be. I thought I would be done with school... i still have about a year and a half left. There are many more, but those were the main one. This song above really describes where I am right now. Letting of the life Ive planned for me and my dreams. I have to give them up to God, knowing that His plan for me is so much better than my plan.

If I had my own way, I would not be at Fort Lewis, I would not be in school, and I would be married. But God wanted it another way. I am at Fort lewis, where I have met some of the most amazing people and have grow more in my walk than ever. I am still in school, which means I have my eligibility to play lacrosse, on a team that needs me. And I am not married, which means that He is still out there, but that I get to become more of my own person...which is an exciting thought.


NOt a long post...just some things that have been on my mind.

Ministry

Ministry- the unofficial, untabulated, little loving-kindnesses of life.
What does this mean for us? I’m still trying to figure out what this means exactly. We are called to go and witness to the world. The Young’s concordance gave this definition of ministry. Seems to me that this is NOT beating people over the head telling then that if they were to die tomorrow and are not a Christian, they are going to hell. This seems much more like being a servant to those who need it. WE need to engage people’s heart, but doing it by threatening them with hell is not the way Christ did it. He sat with those who were crying, hurting, stealing, abusing etc. He knew how to get to the core of the matter…whatever they were dealing with. He knew how to draw them out to talk about it. He knew… I want to know. I want to be more like him in every way. I want to be able to sit and listen to those who no one else will listen to. I want to know how to engage their hearts to meet them right where they are in their struggle, because EVERYONE is struggling. I want to know how to get to the core of the matter, draw it out into the light and help them destroy it. As much as I want to do that for someone else…I want someone to do it with me/for me. Everyone needs someone or a group of someones.

How do we accomplish this ministry thing? My biggest, or one of my biggest problems is not the loving and listening (even though I struggle every day..im more gifted with this) mine is the engaging the heart and asking the hard questions..why? Cause I don’t want to ‘ruin’ the friendship. I don’t want them to look at me weird. I don’t want them to reject me. WHY am I afraid??? I shouldn’t be. I have the answers for life! I have the best secret…it should not be the best kept secret…it should be the worst kept secret that JESUS CHRIST DIED for YOU and can/will/wants to give YOU eternal life! He loves you forever and always. Why am are/are we afraid to share this? I want to get over this fear of I don’t know how to label it, but it has to end…today, Right NOW! Jesus tells us that this journey will be hard but that he is always with us…and will never leave. He is there to help us always.

He is there to satisfy. There is a song called hungry.

Hungry I come to you for I know you satisfy, I am empty but I know your love will not run dry. So I wait for you. So I wait for you. IM falling on my knees, offering al of me, jesus you’re all this heart is loving for. Broken I run to you for your arms are open wide, I am weary but I know your touch restores my life, so I wait for you.

If we come to him hungry he is here to fulfill us.

We have been given a gift that was not meant to be kept to ourselves. It was given in order that those who have it pass it on to the next person. He gave us the gift of grace. Eph. 2:8-9 says, “For GRACE you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast.” WE have a free gift…no NEED TO hide it any longer.

I have such a long way to go, but I wanted to write to encourage all of you out there who want the same thing. WE can make a difference on the college campus we are on or the work place or wherever you are.

Crying Out for Love

This is a continuing theme this semester...Loving those who need love... Why are we not doing it? Why are we only staying in our own niche? WE HAVE to go where it is "unsafe" and where we feel "out of our comfort zones. We can't play it safe anymore...it is time as christians to make a stand...here on campus...where ever you are... take the "leap" of faith..christ will catch you if you fall. Take this step with me...im scared, scared of losing friends, of what people might think, if i have the answers they need and not afraid to admit it. But i also know that with christ, nothing else matters. It doesn't matter what people think about me, what they tell other people about me...anything. He is the only one who matter. We have to do this. If we were all to die tomorrow, how many of your friends would be goin with you? and if it is not all of them, then we still have work to do! So let's ban together and do this. Let's start something so incredible on this campus people dont know what happened and they start to ask and wonder what we have that sets us apart.
Come on this journey with me.

We aren't guaranteed tomorrow

I just got news that breaks my heart. A friend from my school (middle school/HS) just died. HOW? I dont know yet...but she is gone and there is nothing that I can do to change that. It is a harsh reminder that life is PRECIOUS!!!! We dont know when we will breathe our last breath. WE are NOT guaranteed tomorrow! So some that is the exciting part of life...they never know what is coming next...but for others it is a scary reality. What are we here on earth to do? Everything we are supposed to do is done to glorify our Father! He is our creator. He gave us the breath of life and he can take it away. Why spend our time on earth drunk, high, etc? WHY? I don't get it!!! You have no idea when your last breath will be..why use it that way? Some say live life to the fullest, try everything you can.... THis just doesn't make sense to me...Shouldn't it be spent furthering the kingdom? or at least something that is good for you. I dont have all the answers...Just a lot of thoughts.
Rebecca...you will be missed!!!!!!!! I bet heaven is having a party with you right now! So glad that I got to know you!

Audience of ONE

I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am

And I lift these songs
To you and you alone
As I sing to you
In my praises make your home

Chorus:
To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord

So what could I bring
To honor your majesty
What song could I sing
That would move the heart of royalty
And all that I have
Is the life that you’ve given me
So Lord let me live for you
My song with humility

And Lord as the love song
Of my life is played
I have one desire
To bring glory to your name

CHORUS

And we lift these songs
To you and you alone
As we sing to you
In our praises make your home

THis song has made a big impression on me over the last few weeks. As an athlete I tend to get lost in it. I start playing for my coach, and for myself, and for my teammates, but after this song multiple times I realized that I needed to get my priorities in check again. The chorus says, "To my audience of one...I only desire to be yours,Lord." The ONLY one I am playing for is christ. He is the one who gave me my talent and without Him I am nothing. In the bible is says to do everything for the glory of God, and that includes being an athlete. I dont really have much to write about it...i just had thoughts bouncing around in my head...

What is the point?

What is the point of being a christian if you're not gunna share the love you have been given with the world. What's the point if you are gunna hide among those who are like you" and easy to be with? What's the point if you can't love those who seem unlovable? What's the point?
We are not on this earth to only be with people who are like us. God told is to "Go and make disciples of ALL nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." Matthew 28:19. He also calls us to take care of the widows and orphans, " Religion that is pure and undefiled before Gd, the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction..." James 1:27. SO what are you doing??? What are we doing on campus to MAKE the difference? Why do so many of us only want to hang with those who look nice, or who have the right clothes, or who are in the right crowd, or say the right things?

I can't think of any place in the bible where Jesus told us to do that, or made an example out of himself for us to imitate. Jesus' best friends were the tax collectors and the fisherman, and the liars and thieves. He came to the broken to heal them, not to the rich and the "i have it all together." I'm not saying that we should be best friends with the people who are only going to lead us in the wrong path....but maybe part of me is saying that...to an extent. GET your hands dirty. Befriend someone you DONT like or someone you NEVER thought you would get along with because you NEVER know what is going on in their lives. MAybe they need you ....or someone to reach out to them and bring them into the light. MAybe you are the one to make the difference between heaven and hell for them. There are people who pretend to have it all together, and appear to be unbroken, when really they are dying inside, waiting for someone to come and release them!

So I want to ask again...what is the point? Why are we doing this christian thing if we arent willing to go deep with someone who needs it, someone who everyone else hates? Someone who is so angry they push everyone away, but instead of leaving you stay and you hang in there with them, telling them it will be ok! And that you WILL be there with them, even though it hurts, even though you (yourself) have no idea who you are gunna make it through because this person is sooo difficult it wears you out.

What is the point? I am soo tired of seeing people push the unlovable away... What if you were that person? What if it was you instead of them? What if no one wanted to be your friend because you looked funny, or dressed in shabby clothes, or never said the right thing at the right time, or....you can think of other scenarios. Put yourself in their postition. Christ died for the UNLOVABLE! We were once unlovable....and then He came and died for us...and made us new...and that is what he calls us to do for the world... you might only touch the lives of one or a handful or people....but you made the difference.

Calling All Prayer Warriors.

Calling all prayer warriors.
Over the last few weeks my heart has been at peace, yet still heavy. I have a friend who is hitting rock bottom and I need you guys to be prayin for him!!!! The story is long, complicated, and personal, but all you guys need to know is there is someone here who is lost, lonely, and hurting, who needs our prayers. I believe with my entire being that God hears our prayers and in his time answers them. He tells us that when 2 or more are gathered in his name he is there! We are also called to rally around those who are hurting and in need. I CAN'T do this alone! I need your help! So if you happen to read this, please pray for my friend and for him to find a new life...one full of joy! It is a long hard road, but i truly believe if he wants it (and its God's will) he can have it!
Thanks for those of you who read this and are praying with me!