Every day

As most of you dont know, Im a sap...big time. Im that girl who cries when people get married, or a hockey team wins the olympics. I day dream when I hear a song that talks about a man loving a woman or a song talking about a best friend. I am a country music fan inside and out. I have been since 8th grade and I don't think it will stop any time. There is a song sung by Rascal Flatts that is called, Every Day. I am sure whoever the lead singer is was talking about a woman, but when I hear it I think of my best friend. The beginning of the songs starts off by singing is,

" You could've bowed out gracefully, but you didn't. You knew enough to know to leave well enough alone, but you wouldn't. I drive myself crazy tryin' to stay out of my own way. The messes that I make, but my secrets are so safe. The only one who gets me, Yeah, you get me. It's amazing to me"

She is someone who I ALWAYS there for me...even when she knows I have not made the best decision, she is there. No judgement, just there. She has stuck around when anyone else would have left. And when I want to be left alone she sits and waits and brings me out of my dark hole, and for that I am thankful. She can see me and know what to say.... As I started thinking more about all of this I started thinking about all the conversations my dad has had with me recently. I never thought, 8 years ago, that my dad and I could sit in the same room, and not get mad at each other, but now we have been blessed. My dad is one of the wisest men I know. Over the last two years my dad has changed. He is more merciful now that he ever has been. He can listen and give advice (that you might not want to hear) but does it in a loving way. A way that makes you want to listen...for hours maybe. Anyways...he has been telling me a lot about what he has been learning and what it boils down to is God is revealing more and more of himself each day. He is a God who came to earth to live a life that none of us could to die a death that we all should die and now is a risen king. All of that is kind of a hug concept to grasp.

But to bring it back to the song..He could have bowed out gracefully. He could have said, "Sorry dad, I dont want to die this way. there has to be a better way." But no, he went a was beaten beyond recognition and nailed to a cross. He was lain in a tomb for 3 days and on the 3rd was risen form the dead. That just doesnt happen. No one just raises from the dead, but he did with the power of the holy spirit. He gave us each that same holy spirit to live in us when we accept him. The power that raised him from the dead, has the power to eternally change lives. He didn't leave us alone when we tell him to just "get out!" He knows we drive ourselves crazy trying to stay out of our own way but he doesn't care. He is ok with that mess...He says to us, "bring me your mess..give it to me ' for my yoke is easy and my burden is light(matt 11:30)'" SO many times I try and carry it all by myself..oh wait..still doing it. But it is so much harder this way. It is easy to carry a burden with someone else...better to live life on life with someone else. we were made for companionship.

I think I am writing this more to assure myself that this true cause this last semester I have felt like a mess. There have been glimpses of hope but I just want to get out of my own way and just get out. I want to break free. I am tired of trying and hurting and falling and breaking. I know that all of this is a process and life is a painful process so many times but it is through the hard times that we grow the most. Tomorrow is christmas..shoot that makes tonight christmas eve. christmas is not about the stuff we get. It is a time for us to remember that the most important person to ever be born was born on christmas. And I think we need to remember that. I need to remember that.

Merry christmas to you all.

That's her...

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

I think when girls read the quote, we all sigh and the longing in our hearts becomes even greater. Every girl wants this. Every girl wants to be adored and see as "the only one for him. I think after we girls read this quote, we wait a few minutes day dreaming, and then most come crashing back down into reality..." that can never happen to me. That only happens in fairytales or to that girl, but not to me." We have a pity party thinking there is no one like that for us...and then we settle. GIRLs! DONT settle for anything less that this. You are beautiful on the inside and out and for you to settle for mediocre is shorting yourself on something you deserve.

Ya ya i know you have heard that speech a million times. And you are still telling yourself that there is no guy out there like that for you. Well first, stop thinking you aren't worth it! Because you are. If you start treating yourself like you are worth it ( not in a selfish arrogant way) it will rub off and people will start to see you that way. Hold your guy to a higher standard. If you want to be pursued (like we all do) dont call him all the time. If he wants to hang out with you he should have to call you. Im not saying play hard to catch in the annoying way, but dont be that girl who is always calling and txting. Its lame! (I've been there, done that, still do that).

Girls, know that you are a gem. No one determines your self worth but the Lord and you chose if you see yourself the way he does. I am in the process of waiting. As we all wait together, do not lose hope. The lord knows the desires of your heart and he will give them to you in his timing (if they are of him). Dont lose hope. Im in this with you and I know how frustrating it can be...to feel like you are the only one left, or all of your friends are getting married or have boyfriends who love them. I know it is hard to watch. I'm there. And on the days I'm discouraged with my own relationships I have to choose to believe that my worth is found in christ and no one can take that away from me. Hang in there champs.